Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
