Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
