the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
