I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
