I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
