If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
