someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
