do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
