thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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