So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
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I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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