im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
