im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
