If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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