Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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