i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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