...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
