i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize