Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize