i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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