Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
