I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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