College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
