Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize