Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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