I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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