i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
