i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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