sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
