She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
