If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm just crazy horny about you
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
