I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
