I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
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You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
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Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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