hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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