Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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