you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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