I wish I could punch you in the face.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
