I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
