You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
