My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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