EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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