Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
