I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
