I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Please, let me fuck your mom
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
