batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Randomize
