This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
