Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
