So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
