no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
