Define "chronic" masturbator.
the condom got lost in my hair
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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