I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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