I'm really into asian looking animals
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
