I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
