how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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