It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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