if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I need to calm my uterus...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
