Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
