six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
