if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize