I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
its liver damage thursday
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