I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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