all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
