My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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