hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
