LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
