If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
do herpes really smell.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
