Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
