I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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