hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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