She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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