on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I want her autograph on my taint
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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