The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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