so explain again why im purple
no
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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