normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm always down for nudity.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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