why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
