So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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