We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
