I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
where are you?
Hypothermia
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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