You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
