i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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