fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
