There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Still dying that you shit outside
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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