I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
