She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
