Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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