I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
