i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
