Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
